ok.. i havent blogged for a super long time..

Lets stay from the National day! The night before all of us went down to zouk, and i finally realised why ppl dont like it there. The crowd is damn rude, they simply dont know how to say sorry or excuse me.. nvm abt the unhappy part.
The next day me n dear went for the NDP ! cos he got the tickets.. Yipee! First time there lehz.. so mountain turtle. We went marina area early and bought food, i bought the donuts from suntec.

No queue, n there's new flavours and its stil so tasty! =)

So mi being an excited little girl hurried him to go over fast. Overall, its a nice experience, except for the going home part. It sucks as always.


Next, we went to fireworks frm Spain! not very impressive i would say. Plus some rude ppl around.

I am trying to cut down my clubbing! =) its been 3 weeks. Haha.

Anyway, my work is still alright, although it gets alittle frustrating at times. But overall, i would say i have nice colleagues. However, i still miss the times at ITS n i am gonna meet up wif Rebec on this coming sat! yeay! gonna celebrate her bday wif her.. =)

Things wif him are ok. Mayb my perservance works, I just sit down and have a nice talk with him. I made him understand all the things he did was hurting me. and although i know he's improving, but i need some reassurances. This time on sth more serious, money issues.

I am glad he actually was on the same direction as me. He too cut down on clubbing, bcos he finally realised thats where all the problems rised from. n so, he is spending all his time on me. I am glad that i did not give up on him. =)

However, i am worried for some of my frens. Apparently, they are experiencing some difficulties in their love life. Especially zhen.
If u see this girl, i hope u dont lock urself at home k.. If u are sad, we will always be here for u, i believe u know that. It always worries mi that when i ask, u say u are ok but i know u are not. I hope u will let us reach out to u k.. =) love u..

I think i must be quite unlucky to some extent bcos the commissioning engineer incharge of the centrifudge is an indian! n the ppl in my team consists of all non-chinese, 3 including tt engineer are indian (they all came from India), 1 is phillipines and mi being the only chinese.

I am trying not to be racist. But apparently, everyone including the contractors and esp dont like the enginner. Bloody kuku. Its onli my second week, he just throw a whole commissioning test to be operated by myself. When the fact that i havent even been through the proper training of the DCS system and i dont even have my own userid password. When i told him tt, he says its ok. He wants mi to be of the same standard as them by the end of the mth. -_-"""

nvm abt tt.. He being an engineer actually taught the IA students the wrong system flow!!!! I was so skeptical abt his knowledge n abilities la.. Cindy, one of the IA students, came and asked if the flow diagram she drawn as right. One look i knew it was wrong. I mean, common sense tells u that the product have to go thru the centrifudge before going into the dryer ma. Why the heck would u send one whole mixture of mother-liquid and the crystals into the dryer before separation in the centrifudge?!! so dotz..

I decided that i should pick up everything by myself, be it that i have look up for info myself, i will do it rather than ask tt engineer. Sorry for ranting on such issues but it just makes mi wonder how did he get into tt seat.

Anyway, Wed after work, i went to meet up wif agnes n pu at orchard. Irritating both went for some durian puff session before i came. lol.. Lucky the smell was no longer in their mouth. Had dinner at food republic then we headed to BigO for some cakes session. Crazy photo taking began. n then its the snatching of cakes, actualli i was the one whu started it. lol.

Thursday i was supposed to meet up wif zhen for dinner but in the end i went to look for my darling cos she was supposed to meet up wif shirun too. (tt Lucas Chan wants mi to call him darling cos he feels that the term "dear" wasnt sincere enough -_-"") I couldnt do tt in real life so in blog, that would do. Haha. We went to have dinner then went back to slp.. zzzz

Friday, after work, i went home, had dinner wif my mama.. slack n watch some tv wif her before rushing out to meet my ex-colleagues at JE. Mi, Bec, Chua, Birdie, Ah Hock, Uncle Ken n his wife went for ktv sessions. Rebec updated mi on wats going-on in Fobas. No though i have left tt place, but unknowingly, when i heard of wat they had been thru, i just felt a sharp pain la. I dont know why i feel this way. I still cant believe ah chong did tt. n I think Jane must have been really hurt. I just feel so sad for them. haiz..

After ktv, i went down to st james to meet up wif the usual ppl as Zijian's gonna go back Aust on Sunday. ok, some unhappy things happened there. Shall not mention. n some things left mi feeling speechless, not knowing how to react. Anyway, music was alright. Lucas came afterwards, fully drunk, doing silly things. I had a hard time getting him back home. He vomitted and started to ko on the floor without washing up. I had to drag him up n force him to take a shower. I was quite frustrated bcos its realli difficult to take care of him when he is drunk. But being a nice gf, i decided to get him settled down first before i wash up. lol! i ko immediately.

Today was supposed to go east coast wif the girls, but i gave tt up. Bcos he was feeling not good. Wanted to go down town to meet up wif elaine and charlene but couldnt too. Cos he doesnt want to go anywhere today, so i just stayed at home keeping him company.

I need more slp!! lol.. i am tired!!

These few days at work are just SOP readings n traingings. I being someone who cant sit still began loithering around the plant side myself. Haha. Work was relatively relaxing. Of cos, thats becos i am a new-comer. Things wif him now are smooth-sailing, which i am glad. =) n Rebecca Lie Ya Ting finally msg mi, i tot she forgotten abt mi already! haha.. I was quite sad when i received Eve's n Kc's msg but not hers!!! Irritating girl, always busy wif tt doctor!! haha..

n i just read one of my fren's blog.. it just suddenly brought to my attention that i am facing the same thing..

I know i have changed since the very day i stepped out into the working society. In a bad way, mayb. But as some of my frens suggest i am no longer as cute as i used to be, no longer as approachable as i used to be, no longer as friendly as i used to be. All in all, in simple terms, i have grown up, sadly.

Its really not so anticipating as wat i tot when i am a small kid.

n during my days at ITS, i really can see why a bad job could result in a change of human's character. It happened on me. n I know who are those who stood by me. I know in my heart, although u ppl dont show it out, but u really care. Of cos there were those who just stood by n say things behind my back. I dont blame them, bcos ya, mayb they just cant tell mi straight in the face.
So i really do appreciate all those who came n talk to me. =) bcos for those whu know mi well enough, they know i appreciate honest friendships.

I can only say i have tried but i think it cant work out, so i will just stop here for the time being.
Somehow, i realised, how come everyone's being given a second chance, except mi. Friendship is also just like a r/s, it takes both hands to clap, it cant be always mi wanting to spend some quality time wif the other party n yet the other party just wait for mi to do sth.

I am taking things easy now. No, i am not angry, mayb a little disappointed. But thats ok, things will get better some day, i hope.

I went to my new company on monday! n till now, i am just so satisfied with my company. Its so welfare can! and my department ppl are so nice lo.. seriously, u cant find anyone that is hostile or unfriendly. I am so fortunate.

I report to work at 8 in the morning. So normally my team would do some read-up or paper work till 9. Afterwhich, we go up to the plant. They performing the OCT while me bein new, do the lines tracing. Then till 1130, its lunch break, all the way till 1. Up the plant we go, till 3 its break time. Then some reading of SOPs, and its 5 ! Time to go home.

So u see. Life is pretty much good there. They have alot of welfare activities for u. Sports, yoga, blah blah blah. Goodddiieee.. haha..

One thing i like abt the company is the toilets! haha.. the toilets are like 3 to 4 times much bigger than those at ITS. They have a section for toilet, a section for bathing and a section for changing plus our lockers. n their lockers are 3 times bigger than wat i used to have. =) n the best part is that they have laundry services! Everday, the auntie would come collect the dirty PPE and after washing, she would stack them all at the clothing shelves. Each PPE, T-shirt, Polo-tees and towels are all personalised. All of them have our name on it. So ppl wont mistaken take yours.

Love it! haha..

ok.. i am generally happy with my job now. Things betw me and him are ok. I spent the last weekend with him. Initially, he was supposed to help out with his fren in moving house. But, in the end, he just didnt. He fly their aeroplane, just for mi! I am a happy girrl.. I think i deserve to be whack la.. just a little thing can make mi happy. -_- ok on a slight note, i still miss my colleagues at ITS especially Rebecca Lie Ya Ting! =))

Counting down to fri..

Its the last day in tt hell place.. yahooO!!

A quick update of wat happened over the last weekend..



The whole of sat was spent with pupu n agnes. Supposed to go into sentosa BUT it was raining, so sad.. so i went down to vivo to look for them for some shopping session. Bought a bag and then headed home to rest awhile before going down town to meet them again. This time for transformers!! It's a super brillant show. The graphics are nice, i give them 5 stars! After which, we head down to zouk to look for karin and yenling. The main hall turn out to be spinning trance music so we went down to st james instead. Hq came down to look for us after wards. That night sucks cos the music is too slow. Totally no mood to dance plus i had a bad tummy ache so we went home early. And the best part, i slip and fell, i strained my toe.



Saturday, he contacted me. Talked awhile on the phone, meeting him on sunday before the dinner.



Sunday, my toe was hurting like hell, still i chose to ignore it. Met up wif zhen at holland to buy a cake for part time. After which, was dinner. Quite a number turned up, part time, mi, him, lz, zhen, charl, hc, wee, beng, rh, cindy, jr, veron, spenc, stef. After dinner, was ktv at clementi partyworld. Me and lz decided to leave early. He wanted to send mi to the bus stop. So we talked on the way there and in the end, he said he just cant bear to have this cold war and ignore mi. No doubt i was delighted that he said that, still i am skeptical that the same old thing might happen again. But i rem that rh once told me, if i really know wat i want, i should try to resolve the issues betw mi and him. Break-up is just another way of saying u dont wanna try anymore or that there's no more feelings involved.



He wants me to control his clubbing ways and his finances. Seriously, i dont know how to do so. But i will try.



Monday, work as usual. There's nothing for me to do as i am onli guiding Gary to do ashing and elements. So i monitored him the whole day and taught him all the short cuts that i used. Explained to him how to look for any errors in the icp calibration and of cos the specifications of our samples. I went home at 5! The first time i ever went home at 5 on a monday ever since i started shift.. Went for dinner with Terence at west mall, Sakae.. yummi.. After which he sent me home.



Tuesday, Rebec's sick.. n Edwen's not coming. Was relatively busy but still managable. Of cos off at 5 also.. hehe.. Today i am off at 5 too! so very happy.. hehe..

we didnt meet each other all the way till tuesday..

I was quite angry that he didnt do wat he promised.. he said he would meet mi before i go to work as he was having half day.. ya well, he didnt.. msg not replied, phonecalls not picked up.. i was worried sick.. The moment i reached my work place, he called. He wants me to go over after my work to tok things out.. Meow scolded me sayin that i give in too much, i should play hard to get.. I dont know.. mayb i just want to know wat is he thinking abt..

n so after my work we talked below his block.. he was thinking exactly the same thing as me.. whether to let go or continue.. his reason being, he dont know why he keeps repeating the same mistake, n he dont want to have another round of serious argument wif mi.. n mi, i am tired of arguing and i just feel he isnt willing to give his all in this r/s..

in the end, no conclusion was made as we both needed to think more.. and so now i am not contacting him, vice versa.. i am still thinking.. no answers yet.. just seeing if i can survive without him.. if i can, i am letting go.. He knows he has changed alot since we started out.. n i dont like the him now.. he knows he still wants to go out n have fun.. I will just let him do tt..

one more week to my new job.. i am excited. but sad at the same time, cos i know i will be leaving my goodie colleagues soon.. really gonna miss them so.. well, kc resigned and ytd yanni said she's gonna resigned today.. seriously wonder wats gonna happen then.. Rebec pls take care..

I am on afternoon shift again..

quite sian, but in 2 more weeks i will be done n over with it! yeay..
spent the whole sat with agnes.. morning was sentosa.. I was pretty tired due to the lack of sleep the past week.. I guess it really affected me quite alot.. The fact that we are like strangers really kind of kills me..

Sentosa was great.. relacing n all.. took my mind of him. period.. I had to return home for dinner while she had to meet up wif her fren for a movie.. so i got home rest. sat in my bed thinking abt everything.. I am trying to get an answer for myself, whether is it bcos of a moment's anger or is it that i am really tired. lots of msg sent out but no reply, makes me quite mad.

Anyway, i took a cab down to orchard to pick agnes up and off we go phuture! n since the music there isnt realli nice, we hop by zouk to take look since we both havent been to zouk on sat nights.. It was a blast la.. I missed Momo.. both of us totalli enjoyed ourselves.. in the midst of it, something unpleasant happened.. Hq came down to look for us then send us back..

Sunday was supposed to acc my mom to the temple but i woke up too late.. lol.. I stayed at home the whole day, i start to space out for no reason. night time rh called n told me abt wat happened.. how come it seems that all the couples around me are facing difficulties now.. makes me feel really negative..

well, he said he will call after the saf day, but he didnt.. I knew it.. He always dont keep up to the promises he made to me.. Mayb i have came up wif a decision.. just not sure if my heart will also follow the decision.

Sth really serious crop up betw mi and him..
We arent toking to each other now.. its call the cold war..
Haiz.. so much as i dont like the way he treats mi..
I still cant endure this silence, its killing mi..

I was actually quite lost in tots these few days without even realising it, until i sat down moments ago and began thinking abt everything. I realised that why is it that everytime i always forgave him despite all the things he had done. Its bcos i really love him alot. In simple terms, i think i really cant imagine life without him. No doubt, i have been thinking of giving up, but i think my heart just doesnt allows it. Grrrr...

I am starting to feel negative once again. Argh! i really hate this feeling.
Tml will be a better day! =) hopefully so.. I dread sun to come..

yes!! i tendered !! really a relief for me..

I was pondering for a long time on how to break the news to my boss. As much as i hated his unreasonable ways, its still kind of sad to tell him as i know there will be a shortage of senior staffs if i leave and Bec's gonna suffer. But i have to tell him anyhow.

He doesnt want me to leave, saying that he feel like tearing the letter and that he can reject my resignation. So he keep bugging me to reconsider. The only reason i might stay is bcos of my colleagues, but i know many are actually secretly planning to leave soon.

And then, today i found out that many ppl were aiming to get into my future company. I feel so lucky! lol.. But!! today Exxon Mobil called me n offered me a position ! kaoz.. i nearly bang wall ar.. I really was in a dilemna, not knowing which decision to make. I spoke to meow n bryan abt it. They asked me to try it out since i only had verbal agreement with Schering-Plough. In the end, i rejected Exxon's offer cos its bad to go back on my word. Singapore's market is real small, word spreads around easily. If i really fit their criteria, i believe a few years down the road when i apply, they will call mi up again. lol..
I told birdie abt this, n end up i stood there listening to his calculations on why Schering-Plough is better than Exxon, some unavoidable causes theory or wat. lol.. so funny..

These two days Bec isnt around, so i had to monitor all the students plus Gary n Claire. Not an easy task especially when i am doing elements. Bec u pang seh me ar! lol.. go wat Mango sales.. haha..

When i leave ITS, i am really gonna miss her very much.. Though we were buddies for a short 5 mths plus, I think we went through alot together. From giving attitude to each other to being scolded by my idiot boss, from doing pretests all thru the night to taking stupid photos in the lab, everyday is fun. I really really hope the best for her as Joanne's gonna replace me. Bec, if u see this, rem wat i told u, look out for Joanne, all of us dont trust her work quality. LOL..

I will miss u Rebecca Lie Ya Ting!! lol..

I did a quiz that i got from gb's blog.. lol

Too bored at work..

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education:

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


lol.. true to some extent especially the part that i am afraid of things i cannot control.
Yesterday before work, i met up wif charmaine and caiping.. been a super long time since i met up with them. I was so tired as my phone kept ringing, disturbing my sleep. But i still dragged myself up to meet up with them. The moment i reached paragon, i just couldnt stop thinking about the shoes i saw in NOVO. So i decided to hop by the shop to get the shoes before meeting them. To my disappointment, the shoes were no longer on display. I walked the whole shop searching for it. Refusing to walk out the shop empty-handed, i asked the sales girl if she had any idea if the shoes were still available. Of cos i described the shoes clearly to her. Was about to give up when she suddenly mentioned that she might have something similar to what i had described, and it turned out that they kept the shoes bcos its an old stock. I was so happy ! quickly purchased it and went to Thai Express to look for them.

Had our dinner at Thai Express. Yummilious as usual. After wards, we went shopping around with the hope of helping Charmaine get her bf's present. As usual la, the girl is full of nonsense. lol.. Went to Art Fren, I saw some inspirations on what to do. Hee.. After walking around, we settled at coffee bean for a drink and some cakes.

Nice meet up with them. Always feel so comfortable with them around. We are planning to go Bangkok next month. Hopefully things work out well and we three can go overseas together!

I went for the medical checkup on monday. Really cant wait to go to my new job bcos its 8 to 5! meaning more time for my girlfrens and myself.. so happy.. hehe.. I hate the blood test cos i am freakin scared of needles so i forced myself to turn away.. Overall, it was still alright..

The last weekend something happened betw me n him.. or should i say i was having some internal struggle.. The girls that he knew from clubbing came to view mi in friendster, so out of curiosity i viewed them back, only to find him in their photos physically close.
Yesterday, i confronted him about this matter n sorry is the only thing he could say. He always said he wont do it again but yet it is coming back time over time. I told him he have really no idea what i am going through unless i did it back on him. Many times i really tot of letting him taste his own medicine, but i cant, its not something that i would do.

Surprisingly, when i talked to him abt it ytd, i wasnt angry, wasnt disappointed neither did i cry. I dont know wat i am feeling. He asked why am i so quiet, i dont know. He said he is going to prove that he really wants to change. He is gonna give mi a sum of money every mth for mi to keep to prevent him from going clubbing.

I was half-hearted. Its not abt the number of times he go clubbing anymore. He just dont get it. I asked him where do u see us 2 years' down the road. He wans to settle if both of us are stable in terms of career. Funny, i start to dread this very day.

Yesterday i met up wif zhen, charlene n laine for sentosa. So happy that i can finally meet up wif them ! I msg them on fri that i know i kind of neglected them due to work, n i am so sad that i drifted away from them.

No doubt, i was feeling a little weird when i saw them.. Its like a feeling of having to get to know them once again. Really didnt like the feeling since i know them for a long time le.. But things were better when the day goes by. The sun was scorching hot! so in the end we hid in the shade.. -_-

After only 2 hours or so, we decided to pack up n head for vivo.. we went to gloris jean's cafe to chill.. the drinks there are really very nice! The cakes are not tt appealing though. After which we waited for wee n hc to come. n i onli manage to spend like 10 mins wif lucas, cos he was rushing off to his aunt's funeral..

We went to mac to sit down again... to wait for rh n jr.. I was quite frustrated wif Lucas actually.. He wanted mi to go over his aunt there but didnt cfm wif mi.. I told him if i dont need to go, i wanna head back to his place bcos vivo is so near to his hse.. so i told him to leave his keys outside in case no one is at home.. But, go one big round, he forgot n said he not sure wat time the funeral will end.. Ya, so i am stuck there not knowing wat to do.. Then he said he is not sure if i need to go over on sunday..

Wat made mi so mad is that, i dont understand why he cant just call his mom n asked everything clearly before telling mi.. He made mi so confused that in the end, i decided not to go down. I dont know why, but i really am disappointed that he cant get this small issue organised.

So i joined them for ktv.. it was fun.. cos its a long time since i been to a ktv session wif them.. haha.. after tt mi, elaine, rh, wee, cindy, beng n hq went to a ktv pub.. but elaine n mi left after awhile.. i was updating her abt wat happened betw mi n lucas.

today, i woke up n suddenly left that i realli need a break from this hurting r/s.. i realy cant stand the fact that he is always so physically close to girls during clubbing.. seriously, wats his problem. i know he changed as in he dont cheat anymore, i am sure of it..
But i cannot stand it, i need a break.. He wanted mi to go over his place today, I told him no.. the first ever time.. n i told him i wont be meeting him for the whole of next week..

I just want some quiet time wif myself n my friends.. n there's no way i am gonna put him the no .1 priorty again..

Life sucks...

I really hate my work.. there's so much quarreling due to the lack of apparatus n equipments..
End up, we always had to work ot.. shit....

Bcos of this work, i think i really paid a great price.. My social circle is getting smaller.. I have no one to blame.. bcos i am always at work..
n my temper is getting really really short.. I need to change..

My mom dont seems to understand my situation.. n i think i am spending less time with him.. so sian...

I miss all my frens.. haiz...

i'm back !!

yea, from work.. -_- i just got back from work at this late hour.. n mind u, i am on morning shift today. But whatever, i just do my part so that the other shift people wont be too busy in the night.

I began to find out that by just ignoring my boss n take it as he is barking like a mad dog, i really felt better. I dont care if he doesnt dote on mi like last time so long as he dont come stepping on my toes.

I found out tt its all in the mind, i can really be oblivious to ppl around. I dont care. Sure, i am searching for a better job, but no one seems to pay as high as my current. So i am stil deciding. I went to schering-plough for an interview tt day. It was definitely the toughest one i ever came across. 3 engineers were firing questions at me like there's no tomorrow. All the questions asked were so from the text-book.

What pressure does the distillation column operates in?

What do u do if a pump is spoiled?

How do u heat up the crude material?

How does the LOTO system works?

What the main components of a plant?

The different working permits n their uses?

What is teamwork? How do i ensure tt in my team?

Blah, blah, blah...

I admitted i was quite thrown off the chair at first, but confidence came back soon. Though not all my answers were 100% correct, but at least i know my stuffs. They offered me the project engineer, asking mi to choose between that and chemical technician.

But stil, it wasnt the petroleum industry. So i am still deciding.


ooo.. n i cut my hair real short! i dont know why the sudden urge. But i just felt like doing it. Suddenly, everything seems lighter and i cant seems to know why, I am optimistic once again.

I am loving my hair ! =)

These few days... things had been really bad at work.. I got to say i really had the urge to say "I QUIT!" right in the face of my boss.

Imagine he made 3 of us cry within these few days.. Tuesday he was in his stupid pms mood, making life difficult for everyone. Such a jackass. He said hope that sat's samples would be alot, let us do. The "us" is refering to me n bec. Just bcos of a tiny incident last fri, he bore the grudge till now.

He just dont get it.. n he went home w/o even asking if it is ok for us to stay and help out.. He just took it for granted. Before he went home, he came n scold me saying why didnt i ask all the analysts to update the results. He's the boss, shouldnt he be doing tt? I cried. I was really sobbing really hard. Ppl from other dept came over to comfort me saying everyone in the lab knew he was like that, asking mi not to be bothered by wat he says.

I went out, n Bec was crying too. I was comforting her, in the end i cried too. So Kc came over to hug me n comfort us.

Ytd he made Eve cried. Four of us are so fed up with him that we decide that to quit already. The worse thing is there was alot of samples ytd, kind of unusual. He dont wan me to go home, but i told him i was really very tired already. For 2 days, i stayed till 11 plus, i badly need a rest. His response, he gave me a super du lan face, saying he got things to do. Asshole! As if i dont have my own things to do. I have my own life, i dont work n work like nobody's business. I couldnt be bothered. I just told him i am going home n i went back.

Today, he was in a much better mood. But early in the morning, he came, instructed me to help him check thru all the results n release them. All these are his jobscope. Sucks! Today he asked me to stay to help again. Haiz.

MY BOSS IS AN ASSHOLE!!

Recently, there's a big issue going on within my departments. Fri, the last night shift, I was already trying my best to finish the repeats, pretests, problematic tsa samples. Yes, i know we had to release the batch of results. But we tried our best, n in the midst of all the work, i stil manage to clean up all the bottles n label them.

But wat we got back, were harsh words saying we were a let down. Why? just bcos he had to wake up early tt day to help release the results. Fuck. Its not even our job responsibilites to help u release results.

The words my boss said to me really bothered mi, all the way till night, even at st james i was stil thinking abt it. I reflected on this issue n i really had to say i couldnt find anytime where we both were slacking. We didnt even had an breaks.

Everyone, my frens, lucas, my mom all told me to quit this job. The working hours are really terrible. Despite working shift, we stil had to work ot, and i can easily hit to 40 hrs. Sometimes even to 70 hrs. I just dont like the fact that he takes it all for granted, that we are supposed to stay back after our working hours to help him clear off the samples.

Today at work, i refused to talk to him. I spoke to rebec abt this issue, n i was right, she really didnt take it too well. She cried quite badly bcos of tt asshole.

He really chose the wrong person to vent his nonsenses on. If he thinks we are slow, i am really gonna show him wat slow is. I make sure all his results are haywired. Why should i give a damn abt how he feels when he doesnt care abt all of us either.

But whatever, i stil managed to complete my elements n ashing part before i go home. Its quite sth really, considering its monday when the amount of samples are unbelivably alot. I rushed n pushed myself harder to finish up everything, definitely not bcos of him, but bcos i hope the later shift ppl will have an easier time.

I hope i find a better job soon.

Today's night shift n yet for the first time i had nth to do.. really practically nth.. so ya, i am blogging now.. cos i simply have nth to do..

Last weekend was chalet for jr, lz, az n elaine at pasir ris.. me and agnes met up early to queue for tt donut ! stupid long 4 hours of queuing, but the donuts were really very nice.. anyway, we reached there n waited outside for them to come back. Everywhere around us were having bbq, so tt stupid Lucas kept complaining that he missed bbq food. In the end, a few of us had a mini-bbq. Very weird. I dont wanna say much.

Mayb i am being over sensitive. But anyway, i just kept to myself during the whole chalet. Just didnt feel that interacting with anyone. We went to Wild Wild Wet on Sunday. After wards, i went home. Talked to rh over the phone, kind of sian. I still feel weird la no matter wat he says. I was quite pissed off at a moment of time. But its over, so didnt bother me much.

Labour day, all of us went to watch spider man 3. Wasnt nice, too much toking, only a little action.

These days, i think i am feeling a little paranoid n depressed. Dont know why so. But i just feel maintaining a friendship is so difficult. Kind of sick of doing anything. I will just let things be.
Mayb i have changed, no longer the little girl who will do anything to please almost everyone. I just realised that not everyone is worth the effort.

i havent been updating at all for the past few weeks.. i guess when u grow up n get busy with work n all the relationships in ur life, it just feels like 24 hour a day is not enough. So many things happened, i got into another serious talk with him, i had the first ever disagreement with my friend n that is my working buddy, too much family matters as usual, and alot of hidden stuffs that i do not wish to talk about.

I know i am dedicated to my job. I expect a perfect work from myself, and so there's a serious big flaw in me. I expect those as qualified as me to deliver quality at work. I am not afraid to say it out bcos I and Rebec talked about these issues before. She's the kind of person that gets really affected by her mood. Once she is moody, her working efficiency drops n everyone around gets a pinch of her attitude. We are quite close so i really dont wish to see her get into trouble. Every time she is moody, i will try to bring her up. So u see as time goes by, i get really tired till a day i flare up. We both cried but out of each other's sight. I cried in the comfort of ah meow. He spoke to me n said he knew i was mature enough, i need to talk to her n make her realise wat she was doing.
I did, we spoke and things turned out well. I explained that in the working world, no matter how troubled u are, u should nv bring them to ur work place. Of cos, whenever she has troubles, i will still be there for her.

My family matters are forever unsolvable. I came to a point where by i really cannot be bothered by it. Of cos i will still be by my mom's side. But i will still nv forgive my dad. As for my brother, he has a gf ! Finally. BUT, pardon me for saying this, i dont really like her. The first time she came over, she stayed over without informing us. Not a good start. During dinner, my mom kept asking her to eat. She kept saying no like a small kid, and started to eat the mac my bro bought. Great.. Anyway, i dont think i will see her often. The first impression she gave us was quite bad.

n Regarding Lucas. Last sat we went momo together with our friends. I saw the way the tequila girl flirted her way thru to get him to buy her shots. Out of no where, all the past just came flashing back. I know i am sensitive, i am trying hard not to be. I still feel so unjust, bcos till today i dont know the whole truth. I only know he has been fooling around. Yes, we talked but nv abt wat exactly happened. He just promised there wont be a next time. I know, i can feel it, he's changed. I know now he's willing to give all his best to make me happy. But then again, my heart was dying to know wat exactly did he do. Although many said its better not to know the truth, but i always believed that only honest relationships stand through time.

We talked below his house afterwards, for so long, and yet he still refused to tell mi the truth, saying there is really nothing going on between him and this particular girl, S. Until i was really devastated, i scolded him real bad. I gave him a choice, either he tell mi the whole story now or i am really prepared to walk out on him immediately. I was really shocked about wat i heard. Though, she was the one who fell for him, he indirectly caused her to sink into it. I told him off, he was acting like a true bastard n tt girl is married. Ya, technically, he didnt do anything wrong bcos he was just comforting her as she was having problems in her marriage. But all the physical contacts were really not needed, i told him. S also had another guy she was quite attached to in the same group. And so, when Lucas came into the picture, tt guy was quite pissed off with him. A really complicating affair, I dont know the girl well, but i really dont like her. I dont like peopke with who treats marriage like a toy, i told him to choose his friends wisely.

Some how, the conversation turned around and he said he was hurt bcos i once said that there are other guys treating me better than him, which was true at tt time, bcos all the promises he made to me was unfulfilled. I told him i did not have the intention of comparing him to them. But i just want to wake his idea that i can just walk out on him with another guy, I did not. I just want him to cherish this relationship more.

I am so guilty, i made him cried. He just collapsed into my arms and cried real hard. It was the first time he cried so badly. But, we promised that there should not be any dishonesty between us n so it was a happy ending after all.

i m confused...!

i think i am regretting my decision now.. or sort of.. bcos i realli dont know why i feel this way.. one thing i know for sure.. I cant stand girls hovering around him like bees.. especially when he dont have self control, acting like the honey.. sometimes i really wonder why cant he just brush all of them away wif a simple no.. why does he have to make things so complicated.. misleading ppl n all.. all these mayb are just part and parcel when u go out dating... but a definitely no-no when u have a girlfren.. and whenever i bring these issues up against, he always just have nth to say.. keeping silent.. i wish he would defend for himself.. but sadly no, his silence meant i was speaking the truth..

so much of all the promises he gave... n yet i stil have a feeling he wont be able to fulfill them bcos he just cant be firm on such issues.. i dont think i can live with a guy like that.. today i poured everything out to carol.. abt vday.. abt everything.. she said there will always be a second time he cheats.. n since its already the second time, why am i stil putting up wif him? bcos i love him? or bcos i just used to him.. i dont know anymore.. everyone kept asking.. where did he bring u to... what did he get for u...
how the fuck am i supposed to say... nothing? n that would totally embarrass him.. but thats the truth isnt it.. i seriously dont mind.. but nth planned for e day? its the same scenario as my birthday.. he used to put in a real deal of effort in his ex-gf.. but on mi.. most of the celebration are zero.. i think i sound like a petty little girl.. but whu cares.. i think for once i ought to be treated more like a girl..

I hinted to him wat i felt abt our r/s.. just a simple msg.. do u think we can stil be frens if we go our separate ways.. i dont know.. of cos i hope things betw us will improve.. but if its not gonna.. then.. its the end..

erm.. i didnt update as promised.. lol.. i am trying my very best..

2 weeks ago on wed.. i went phuture wif my colleagues.. ltr on pu n marcus came over to look for us.. haha.. quite an interesting night.. had fun dancing my worries away.. except for some irritating guys..

sat down to boiler room again.. wif rh, wee, cindy, agnes, etc etc.. wasnt feeling very nice tt day.. i have alot of serious issues wif him.. uncovered lots of dirty secrets.. n its just killing mi that i dont have the chance to voice it all out.. pms-ing for the whole day.. went down to boiler in a depressed mood..

for god knows wat reason.. i just started to tear.. rh saw mi, so i signalled to him to get out of the place n i poured everything out to him.. i was crying non-stop.. i just cant help it.. i am really upset over wat lucas did.. i think it was really dramatic tt day.. cos he suddenly came out to look for mi.. n i spoke to him.. totally broke down just outside boiler room.. i was sobbing really loudly but at tt time i cant seems to control myself.. haiz.. i felt so cheated.. all the promises he made to mi were all empty words.. n i was really deciding that we should take a break.. i think i kind of shock him.. bcos he has nv seen mi breaking down before.. at least not bcos of him.. he said he realli didnt know that it affected mi so much..

mayb i was realli hoping that he wake up his idea.. tt night i went back to his place.. tot abt it the whole night.. n i stil realise that despite all, he stil has not spill the beans n tell mi the truth.. so i demanded an explaination from him before i come to any decision..

well, he called.. n said that he knew his mistake asking for another chance.. i dont know why.. at tt time i was really determined.. i told him i really need to think abt it.. i will give him an answer soon.. i went to colour my hair.. n back home to slp.. he kept msg-ing mi asking mi for another chance n tt he realli cant lost mi..

i ignored all his msgs.. after tt good rest, i felt peaceful.. but despite the peacefulness, there is just sth missing.. n i realised that it wasnt just being used to having him around, the thought that i might lose him one day really frightens mi.. i called him quickly n told him my decision.. but its gonna the last n final chance..

i really hope things will turn out better..

The past week was night shift for mi.. tiring week.. -_- bcos i dont get enough slp everyday!.. its either i have to wake up early for ot.. or i was doing his present till real late before i catch my morning slp.. sat supposed to head down to chinatown wif him.. end up we went to boiler wif the jr, agnes, spenc, karin n pj.. agnes n mi headed down to dbl o.. n i drink my jug of lychee martini! hehe.. boiler room that night was disappointing..

Sunday i had to wake up early for lunch wif my boss n colleagues.. at soul garden.. -_- of all places.. in the end we went in late bcos alot was late.. mi, bec, danny, terence n kc ate for an hour then we rushed off.. -_-''' i met up wif him.. for last min cny shopping.. we stil have not bought our clothes.. n we spent most of the time at levis outlet.. finally bought my jeans.. hee.. rushed back his place n we went down to chinatown..! bought decorations n flowers.. went back his place n we started decorating his hse lol..

this week.. morning n i stil got to work on sat.. wtf! asssss...